You got my Heartbeat Running Away

“2nd time lucky”  is what they say which seems apt, as this is my second time attempting this journal/blog thing.

My New Years Resolution is to faithfully put out at least one post a month, minimum. As busy and convoluted as my life appears to be, this is an easily achieveable aim, right? Ha! Well the proof will be in the pudding 🙂

It’s really weird, from the ages of 12 till I turned 20, I actually kept a diary, and writing in this today reminds me of those ancient relics of my past. A lot of heart and soul, fears and dreams, first crushes, first loves, childhood ambitions, found it’s way into that diary, until I decided that that it would make really incriminating evidence agianst me one day and decided to stop writing! Hope nobody ever finds those diaries, must have have a systematic search of them one day…

I’ve been wilful, impetuous, (some people call it crazy) stubborn, at times shy and retiring and at times just plain mad and extremely stubborn! Lol! Then I’ve been through my “safe periods” and been a good little African girl, bit my lip, and kept my mouth shut, done the whole trying to conform thing, doing the “right thing”.

The selfish Moi is always Ms. Happy. Ok, so she gets criticised for being too vain and inconsiderate, but is selfishness really a bad thing…? I THINK that I am most content when I put my needs, my desires, before others (apart from my Mom and my lil’ bro’ sometimes) On reflection, it is in considering the needs of others, of placing THEIR wants, THEIR desires before mine, that I get frustrated, upset and a generally very unhappy individual. Not to self: this may conflict with wanting to make the world a better place… “Aah self… but making the world a better place makes me happy, so that is a part of my selfishness, u grab?” 🙂 In the ever so PC world of today, saying, “This is what I want and this is how I want to do it, MY WAY, ” is seen as a thing to frown upon, esp. if you are a woman. Compromise and Negotiation is the name of the game, and that’s cool, to a certain extent, as long as you know what the limits are, the threshold where you say,” fxxx it, this is out of order!” Personally, being a person of convictions and sticking to those convictions is the better, more fulfilling way to live one’s life. The reason why I have never experienced a frisson of guilt over my many misdemeanours is because I have never crossed MY threshold.

The return to basics is called for because I know I never felt as content and confident, sexier, hotter and wiser as I did when just focusing on me 🙂

My New Year’s Resolution is to bring back the return of the woman just as happy reading her Mills and Boons / Politics Books and articles, as I was chilling with my guys and my girls. To continue to not be afraid to voice my views, but to aim for TACTFULFULNESS! (Who’s have thought that, eh?) And to make a concerted effort to invest in the relationships that mean a lot to me, with my time, emotions and whatever resources I have at hand.

At the age of 29, with so many friends getting married and popping out sprogs like no tomorrow, I’m “playing God” and  nurturing my own baby- this blog. Let’s all raise a glass to good things happening in 2012! 🙂


One thought on “You got my Heartbeat Running Away

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